A Book and a Funeral

I just finished reading Caitlin Doughty's book, "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: and Other Lessons form the Crematory" this afternoon and I really enjoyed it.  Because of my own inquiry into death professions, I've read a ton of books about death.  One look at the top row of my bookshelf and you might think I'm a little weird. Really, I'm not. (Okay, that's debatable.) But I do think the contemplation of death is important.  As is talking about it.

On to the book...While a "behind the scenes peek into the funeral business" is not groundbreaking in its premise, it differs from Thomas Lynch's "The Undertaking" or Sherri Booker's "Nine Years Under" in that Doughty believes we should remove the middleman altogether and take care of our own dead.  It's well written, it's humorous, it's heartfelt, but she lost me at the taking care of my dead part.  If you don't know me, let me explain. I'm the kind of person who would rather pay a nice lady to scrub my feet and clip my toenails (while I read a trashy magazine) to avoid dealing with the disgustingness of my own toe-jammy, calloused tootsies.  I think I'm not alone in this. It's not that I'm death or dead body averse, it's just that I don't want to wash and dress a dead person, especially someone I love. Thankfully, there are professionals for that.  And I will pay them.  Generously.

I do agree with her on the embalming, makeup applying ridiculousness of a burial, but unlike her, I don't want my body left out for animals to devour.  I have a hard enough time when I catch my dog Shelton rooting around in the litter box for a "tootsie roll."

There's the Poo Muncher.

If you're into learning about death and want a book that's a conversation starter, check out her book!

Speaking of death, I am attending a funeral this Saturday.  I didn't know the deceased very well, but what I did know of her, I seriously respected.  I've attended several funerals since I hit my forties.  The idea of a funeral service used to fill me with anticipatory grief and anxiety, but now I look at them as opportunities to celebrate someone's life and to perhaps provide some measure of comfort to those still living.  

Thanks for stopping by and if you feel so inclined, vote in my burial vs. cremation poll at the bottom of my front page.







B is for...


Bacon?

In my bacon-y dreams it is, but on the death writer blog,  B is for BURIAL.



After investigating both options, I would have to say I’m not a big fan of burial, even though that bacon coffin is mighty attractive.

For one, burial is the more expensive option.  Why?  You have to buy a casket and a plot.  And although it’s not a requirement to be embalmed (unless of course you are shipping the body to another state) the idea of it is totally creepy.  When I’m dead, I don’t want people needlessly handling my body, unless they’re harvesting my organs.  Hey, guess what?  April is donate life month!  Click here to learn more about organ donation.

Sorry, I digress.  Okay, back to burials. I don’t want to have a stranger who has no idea how crazy and temperamental my hair is styling it.  Why?
  1. they’ll never get it right,
  2. I rarely cheat on my hairdresser, and I want to continue that tradition even in death. The last thing I want my loved ones to gaze upon is me in a casket with flat ironed hair and clown makeup like Mimi. I know, I know that won't happen.  But it could.


What it all boils down to of course is that what we do with our bodies after death is a personal choice, and for many that choice is influenced by religious beliefs.  

If you take anything away from today's blog, let it be this--it’s never too early to figure this stuff out. I hope this blog will be a jumping off point for your exploration.

Thanks for stopping by.  What's your choice?  Have you thought about it?

Funeral Plans



If you were to die tomorrow, would your family know what to do?  Have you made a plan for your final exit?  Do you want to be buried?  Cremated?  How about donating your body to science? Do you want to have a memorial service?  And if so, do you want an open casket?  Or do you want to keep it closed with a terrific picture of you?  Do you want music?  Do you want someone to read a favorite poem?  Do you want people to mourn or celebrate your passing?  It's a lot to think about.  Here's a place you can plan your funeral, because as they say on their website, "You only get one chance to make a last impression."

There's a book coming out this month called "Making an Exit" by Sarah Murray, a journalist and writer, who investigated different cultures and the ways in which they dignify their dead.  I haven't read it yet, but I plan on doing so.  I've always been interested in the Day of the Dead celebrations in Mexico.  Maybe one day I'll get to see one.

I recently spoke with my dad about his wishes.  He said he wanted to be cremated with a headstone at Arlington National Cemetery.  He's a Korean War veteran.  I did a little research for him and I think he may change his mind.  Ever the penny pincher, he was under the impression that he wouldn't have to foot the bill for anything, but he was wrong.  The family still has to pay for the body to be cremated or prepared for burial and then there's the shipping to Arlington.  He may decide to stay close to home.

My mom and her husband have the same plans.  Apparently, my mom's sister and her husband are buried at Arlington and even in death, I think she wants to be "close" to her family.

As for myself, I want to be cremated and scattered someplace I like.  Maybe the Rocky Mountains, the Marin headlands, or possibly an outdoor ashtray at the Ritz Carlton, if they still exist.  Now that would be classy!  I don't want anyone holding onto them and placing them on their mantle.  The thought of myself looking like cat litter and stuck inside a little urn being moved around from place to place throughout the years seems utterly ridiculous.  I want people to remember me in their minds. 

What about you?  You don't have to answer here, but I encourage you to talk about it with the people you love.  Their answers may surprise you.  And best of all, it's one less thing you have to worry about.