Saving Violet, the Death Row Cat

  
Feral cat populations around prisons are fairly common.  People with unwanted cats will "dump" them there knowing that the inmates will at least feed them. And why wouldn't they?  Who doesn't want a furry little friend?  I personally think it's fantastic to have unwanted cats being tended by men and women in prison.  I look at it as a form of rehabilitation.  It teaches responsibility.  It also gives people the opportunity to love something that will love them back. Even though the incarcerated are being "punished" for their crimes, they are still human beings.  They need hope.  Hell, we could all use a little hope. 

Okay, okay,  I'll cut to the chase since this is a super long blog.

My friend Sonya Reed who is incarcerated at the Women's Death Row Unit in Gatesville has tamed a feral cat.  And this is a problem because the prison has to control the cat population.  There isn't an official policy, but there isn't a humane society in Gatesville, so when the feral cats are trapped, they are euthanized.  There isn't a trap and release program in effect.  But, one of the Wardens has agreed to let me pick Sonya's cat up once she is trapped.  She will be taken to a local vet who will test her for Feline Leukemia and HIV.  If she is negative, I will have to find this cat a home.  She will need to be fixed and vaccinated.  This costs dough that I don't have right now.  If the cat is positive, she will be euthanized.  I agreed to pay for the testing.  If taking this cat will make Sonya feel better, I'm going to do it.  November 5th marks the two year anniversary of Khristian Oliver's execution.  Sonya is down and for good reason.  She can't keep the cat, but she wants it to have a chance at a better life.
This story has just begun.

To read the history of Sonya 's cat that she wrote and that I submitted to the Readers Write section of The Sun Magazine, it follows below.  It's called "The Best Feeling in the World."

   It wasn’t an easy decision to feed the silver and white feral cat.  Prison cats live such short lives, succumbing to disease, cars, razor wire and the periodic trapping by the prison guards for euthanization.  Once you finally form an attachment, they’re gone.  She was just a tiny scrap of a cat, terrified of everyone and everything, but she looked so much like my last cat on the outside, Sweet Pea, that I couldn’t help but tempt her to my cell window with a little food.  I named her Violet.

     It’s a lot of stress transporting my own serving of food from the chow hall and sneaking it past the pat-searches, but I do it, twice a day, every day.  I have to constantly fend off the cat haters and bullies in my dorm who just need something to direct their anger at.  When I defend Violet against these women, it makes me appear more fearsome than I really am, but I would do anything to keep her from harm which is hard to do when only one of us is in a cage. I’ve watched in agony when her belly grew round with kittens, then worried myself silly over every scratch and cut as she fought off the tomcats, opossums and skunks who tried to get at her babies.  I grieved with her as she paced and cried for days after the well-intentioned but misguided yard crew took them away at only four weeks.   I too lost a child to this place, and while I never got to mother the baby girl who was taken from me, through Violet, I’m getting a taste of what motherhood feels like. 

     It took forever for her to trust me. I’d stand like a statue at my window, week after week as she ate the scraps of food I’d brought her.  At first, she’d dash off at the slightest movement.  Then she graduated to eating on the sill with the window closed.  Finally, I’d open the window as slowly as I could, cooing her name over and over until she’d stay.  I endured many scratches and bites as I attempted to pet her fur, first just her tail as she jumped down from the window, then her back, and as we became more dependent on one another, she’d allow me to scratch the little spot under her chin.

     Now, when I call her name each morning, she comes running across the field as fast as her little silver legs can carry her.  She leaps into my window, her eyes intent on my face, purring and rubbing against the bars.  Her willingness to trust has reawakened my ability to love.  And it’s the best feeling in the world.

Funeral Plans



If you were to die tomorrow, would your family know what to do?  Have you made a plan for your final exit?  Do you want to be buried?  Cremated?  How about donating your body to science? Do you want to have a memorial service?  And if so, do you want an open casket?  Or do you want to keep it closed with a terrific picture of you?  Do you want music?  Do you want someone to read a favorite poem?  Do you want people to mourn or celebrate your passing?  It's a lot to think about.  Here's a place you can plan your funeral, because as they say on their website, "You only get one chance to make a last impression."

There's a book coming out this month called "Making an Exit" by Sarah Murray, a journalist and writer, who investigated different cultures and the ways in which they dignify their dead.  I haven't read it yet, but I plan on doing so.  I've always been interested in the Day of the Dead celebrations in Mexico.  Maybe one day I'll get to see one.

I recently spoke with my dad about his wishes.  He said he wanted to be cremated with a headstone at Arlington National Cemetery.  He's a Korean War veteran.  I did a little research for him and I think he may change his mind.  Ever the penny pincher, he was under the impression that he wouldn't have to foot the bill for anything, but he was wrong.  The family still has to pay for the body to be cremated or prepared for burial and then there's the shipping to Arlington.  He may decide to stay close to home.

My mom and her husband have the same plans.  Apparently, my mom's sister and her husband are buried at Arlington and even in death, I think she wants to be "close" to her family.

As for myself, I want to be cremated and scattered someplace I like.  Maybe the Rocky Mountains, the Marin headlands, or possibly an outdoor ashtray at the Ritz Carlton, if they still exist.  Now that would be classy!  I don't want anyone holding onto them and placing them on their mantle.  The thought of myself looking like cat litter and stuck inside a little urn being moved around from place to place throughout the years seems utterly ridiculous.  I want people to remember me in their minds. 

What about you?  You don't have to answer here, but I encourage you to talk about it with the people you love.  Their answers may surprise you.  And best of all, it's one less thing you have to worry about.


Be the Change

Lately I’ve been talking to my daughter about bullying and what behaviors constitute being a bully.  I’ve told her repeatedly that if she witnesses bullying in her school and does nothing about it, she is basically being a bully herself.  In other words, remaining silent is just as bad as calling someone a name or excluding them.  It’s tough being a preteen when everyone around you is aligning themselves with cliques and trying to be in the “in” crowd.  One day your friend decides that she doesn’t want to be friends with you anymore and you don’t know why.  I remember those days and it just adds to the horror of middle school and raging hormones and acne dotted skin.  I was called frizz head, had gum thrown in my hair, and was taunted by kids for my weird clothes.  True, it gave me character, but at the time, I didn’t particularly like it.

The other day, someone I was acquaintance “friends” with on facebook posted a picture she’d taken with her phone on her homepage. The picture was of a slightly heavy woman seated in a chair.  Since the woman was leaning forward, the top of her thong was exposed.  My “friend” commented that some people need mirrors or something to that effect.  I have been deleted as her friend, so I can’t copy it verbatim.  Someone chimed in that that look was trashy.  I looked at the picture for a moment.  My first thought was just to ignore it and move on.  But my thoughts kept returning to “What if that picture was of my daughter, my mom, my friend, or me?” I didn’t know the woman in the photo, but I felt like standing up for her. Somebody had to.  And I did.  And it was uncomfortable and it will be awkward the next time I see the acquaintance, if I ever do, but I refuse to remain silent, especially if I want my daughter to respect me.

I don’t know what happened after I posted my comment on the thread because I was writing and frankly I didn’t care to get caught up in the dramatic aftermath.  But today I noticed that I have one less facebook friend.  And you know what? 

I'm perfectly okay with that.