Welcome to “The Pause!” Every Wednesday (if I can find women of a certain age who are willing to share their experience with me and you) there will be a new post.
Why am I doing this? Well, I’m almost 50 and I would REALLY like to feel less alone in this new chapter of my life. I feel like our culture doesn’t want to talk about menopause. It’s like if you admit that your period has stopped, you are admitting to something shameful or unnatural. Like death, menopause is both inevitable (if you’re lucky enough to grow older) and pretty darn natural. I used to think it was hard to get people to talk about death, but you can double that hesitancy when it comes to chatting about “THE CHANGE!”
If you read the first post, I am now on a quest to find media representations of a menopausal woman. Here’s this week’s clip. It’s from the television show, Fleabag, which is dark and funny and right up my alley. If you know of any story lines in movies or television shows that address this major transition in a woman’s life without making it a punchline, leave it in the comments!
So, before we begin our chat, let’s define perimenopause and menopause from Merriam Webster’s online dictionary.
Definition of menopause
1: the natural cessation of menstruation that usually occurs between the ages of 45 and 55 also : the period during which such cessation occurs
— called also climacteric
— compare PERIMENOPAUSE
2: cessation of menstruation from other than natural causes
Definition of perimenopause
: the period around the onset of menopause that is often marked by various physical signs (such as hot flashes and menstrual irregularity)
So now that that’s clear, here’s my next willing participant who has chosen to remain anonymous AND THAT’S OKAY! (I feel like Stuart Smalley.) And you can too!
Photo by Gratisography
1. Do you remember your mother or an older woman in your family going through “the change of life?” If so, what was that like?
I was oblivious to my mother's situation. However, my mother had some type of problem when I was still in school in which she almost bled to death. I never knew what the problem was, and I never asked. I knew she had a hysterectomy and had to have blood transfusions. She lived to be 83. I don't know why I never asked her.
2. Was perimenopause/menopause ever discussed with you by your mother, sister, friend, or a doctor? If so, what did that discussion entail?
Perimenopause was never discussed. However, I had my children when I was 34 and 36. (I am now 66) Afterwards, I suffered from depression. The depression seemed to happen when my second child was around 2 years old. But my memory is very vague. The depression may have happened postpartum. We had moved back home to Arkansas, and we were basically very poor as compared to our Dallas existence. We had a beautiful home in Farmers Branch, and I had a much better job. We had an ugly house, and I had a shitty job. My husband's income wasn't great at that time. I started taking antidepressants. I had a terrible time finding one that would work for me. Then I would have side effects, so it seemed like I was always switching. I finally was taking one that seemed to work. I took it for several years, but I started having side effects. One of the side effects was that memory was just vanishing. Now, I have huge holes. My husband, however, remembers everything.
3. Was menopause something you feared or something you looked forward to? (Yay, no more periods! Boo, I’m drowning in my own sweat!)
I think I was looking forward to NO Periods (and I have enjoyed that aspect)
4. What was your experience like? Did you burst into flames? Grow a mustache? Gain a ton of weight? Lose your hair? Lose your mind? Or was it easy peasy, Tampax can kiss my vageasy?
After I decided to get off the antidepressant, my doctor (a female) suggested hormones. So, I am going to say that was around 2000. However, I really don't remember. After I did so well on the hormones, my doctor made the comment that maybe we didn't need all those antidepressants -- maybe it was a hormone problem all along. I certainly don't think there is any way to know. My situation was such that it was probably depression. I was not yet in menopause at that time. So, I took the hormones, and I did well. My doctor may have used the term perimenopause, but I can't remember.
I went back to school and got a Masters in Special Education so that I could teach instead of working a year round job. I started teaching in 2000. Everything went well except that I decided around 2009 that I maybe should not be taking the hormones. So, I tried to stop. I carefully weaned off of them. It was a disaster. I was so volatile! The hot flashes were horrendous. I was constantly taking my sweater off and on. Since I had special education classes, I had some of the same students for 3 years. They commented on how "mean" I suddenly had become. I couldn't stand it, so I went back on hormones. I have tried to get off hormones two more times. The last time was in 2018 when my Medicare wouldn't cover my favorite hormone patch. Again, the hot flashes and temper outbursts were just horrific. I wasn't sleeping due to the hot flashes, and I was miserable. My sleep doctor recommended that I start back on the hormones. So, I happily did.
A problem that I had with the hormones was getting the dosage or method correct. I have had three endometrial biopsies because of spotting. They have all been negative with the conclusion that my hormone dosage was not consistent either due to method (cream) or my improper use -- missing pills or not putting my patch on at the right time.
Other menopausal symptoms -- no sex drive, vaginal dryness, and waking up hot and soaked from sweat every morning at 4:30 am. I occasionally have a hot flash in the evening. But, it is usually not too bad. I take hormone pills that Medicare will cover, because the patch that they cover caused me to spot and thus, I had to have a biopsy. So, today, I was shocked that I was spotting. This probably means that I will have another biopsy. I have been trying to think if I missed a hormone pill, but I don't think so. Although the hormones are wonderful for relieving symptoms, I am always afraid of breast or endometrial cancer.
As far as vaginal dryness, I had the Mona Lisa treatment and that has helped so much. Before, the treatment I felt like my vaginal walls were sticking together. It was creepy and very uncomfortable.
I gained weight, and I have tried very hard to lose weight and/or not gain anymore. It is a struggle. Yes, my hair is falling out. Yes, I have facial hair. I tried to have laser hair removal on my face, but it is so freaking painful that I didn't even use up all my prepaid treatments. I am considering electrolysis because I shave my face everyday. I now have grey stubble, too. I don't want to be in a nursing home and have a beard!
5. When did you first notice perimenopausal symptoms? Or did you not know what they were?
It is impossible to say when I noticed symptoms. I must have since my doctor decided to put me on hormones. Since my memory is so bad, I just can't remember.
6. Is there anything you wish you had known before you went through menopause or anything you would have done differently?
I don't know that I would have done anything differently except try to get Medicare to pay for Combipatch.
My husband would probably say that there needs to be a fix for the sex drive problem.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. And you can too! Just reach out via my contact page. If you want me to reach out to you and help me do my little part to help save the USPS. I bought a TON of stamps and if you sign up for my newsletter, I will send you some swag (stickers, bookmarks and now buttons!) from my debut novel Forever 51. (It’s about an eternally menopausal vampire.)