Welcome to “The Pause!” Every Wednesday (if I can find women of a certain age who are willing to share their experience with me and you) there will be a new post.
Why am I doing this? Well, I’m almost 50 and I would REALLY like to feel less alone in this new chapter of my life. I feel like our culture doesn’t want to talk about menopause. It’s like if you admit that your period has stopped, you are admitting to something shameful or unnatural. Like death, menopause is both inevitable (if you’re lucky enough to grow older) and pretty darn natural. I used to think it was hard to get people to talk about death, but you can double that hesitancy when it comes to chatting about “THE CHANGE!”
If you read the first post, I am now on a quest to find media representations of a menopausal woman. Here’s this week’s clip. It’s a movie, “The Hot Flashes." I haven’t watched it, but it’s about “older” women and I think the title kind of gives it away. If you know of any story lines in movies or television shows that address this major transition in a woman’s life without making it a punchline, leave it in the comments!
So, before we begin our chat, let’s define perimenopause and menopause from Merriam Webster’s online dictionary.
Definition of menopause
1: the natural cessation of menstruation that usually occurs between the ages of 45 and 55 also : the period during which such cessation occurs
— called also climacteric
— compare PERIMENOPAUSE
2: cessation of menstruation from other than natural causes
Definition of perimenopause
: the period around the onset of menopause that is often marked by various physical signs (such as hot flashes and menstrual irregularity)
So now that that’s clear, here’s my next willing participant who has chosen to remain anonymous AND THAT’S OKAY! (I feel like Stuart Smalley.) And you can too! She is 60.
Photo by Gratisography
1. Do you remember your mother or an older woman in your family going through “the change of life?” If so, what was that like?
I don’t remember my mom going through or discussing perimenopause/menopause with me. When I moved out, my mother was 43.
2. Was perimenopause/menopause ever discussed with you by your mother, sister, friend, or a doctor? If so, what did that discussion entail?
Quite frankly, I never really thought of menopause. I only saw what it entailed primarily through the movies or television. What I interpreted never felt scary, so I walked through life feeling like it wasn't going to be that big of a deal.
3. Was menopause something you feared or something you looked forward to? (Yay, no more periods! Boo, I’m drowning in my own sweat!)
I was very happy to have no periods, that is for sure. I did not experience any postmenopausal symptoms, so once my periods started to wane, I was pretty freaking happy. But my period didn't stop until I was in my mid 50’s.
4. What was your experience like? Did you burst into flames? Grow a mustache? Gain a ton of weight? Lose your hair? Lose your mind? Or was it easy peasy, Tampax can kiss my vageasy?
When I started having hot flashes, they were pretty relentless. My friend used patches that were prescribed through her gynecologist. She slapped one on me while we were on vacation as I was having a day of continual hot flashes and it worked almost immediately. So, I made an appointment and asked my doctor for the patch. My doctor told me that by wearing these I would only be prolonging the menopause symptoms. I figured, why put off today what happens tomorrow? So, I opted out.
5. When did you first notice perimenopausal symptoms? Or did you not know what they were?
Because I didn’t really know what I was supposed to experience, I didn’t know. I have never experienced a dry vagina. Thank goodness for small miracles. But, I haven’t had sex in two years, but prior to that everything was flowing smoothly. Who knows what lurks around the corner if I ever get lucky enough to have sex!? I have discussed this vaginal problem with a friend who has been affected by this and there seems to be many remedies for this problem, so I'm not overly concerned.
6. Is there anything you wish you had known before you went through perimenopause/menopause?Anything you would have done differently?
Not really. My hair has gotten thinner over the years, I haven't gained a bunch of weight because I’m always trying to keep a healthy weight. It’s been a struggle my whole life, so I didn’t notice weight gain during this time.
Overall, it’s just a a part of life for me, one that I haven't placed too much thought into. I didn’t fear it as I was pretty uninformed. And I'm just walking my way through it waiting to get on the other side. I've made some adjustments in my life, mostly in keeping me physically cool. A fan in my bedroom for nighttime, a portable fan for my purse in case I need it. But, I can say I am not one to get super sweaty at night and soak sheets. My internal temperature gets hot, but I really don't sweat a lot. I don't feel super bitchy, I haven't gained a bunch of weight, my vagina isn't dry, I don't have long chin hairs, but then I can’t really see very well so who knows-ha!
All in all...not so bad.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. And you can too! Just reach out via my contact page. If you want me to reach out to you and help me do my little part to help save the USPS. I bought a TON of stamps and if you sign up for my newsletter, I will send you some swag (stickers, bookmarks and if you pre-order my book, I’ll send you a cute little button!!) from my debut novel Forever 51. (It’s about an eternally menopausal vampire.)