Welcome to “The Pause!” Every Wednesday (if I can find women of a certain age who are willing to share their experience with me and you) there will be a new post.
Why am I doing this? Well, I’m almost 50 and I would REALLY like to feel less alone in this new chapter of my life. I feel like our culture doesn’t want to talk about menopause. It’s like if you admit that your period has stopped, you are admitting to something shameful or unnatural. Like death, menopause is both inevitable (if you’re lucky enough to grow older) and pretty darn natural. I used to think it was hard to get people to talk about death, but you can double that hesitancy when it comes to chatting about “THE CHANGE!”
If you read the first post, I am now on a quest to find media representations of a menopausal woman. Here’s this week’s clip. It’s a short video of Robin Williams, who is a man dressed as a woman, in Mrs. Doubtfire. So, as you can see, Hollywood has some work to do in this department. If you know of any story lines in movies or television shows that address this major transition in a woman’s life without making it a punchline, leave it in the comments!
So, before we begin our chat, let’s define perimenopause and menopause from Merriam Webster’s online dictionary.
Definition of menopause
1: the natural cessation of menstruation that usually occurs between the ages of 45 and 55 also : the period during which such cessation occurs
— called also climacteric
— compare PERIMENOPAUSE
2: cessation of menstruation from other than natural causes
Definition of perimenopause
: the period around the onset of menopause that is often marked by various physical signs (such as hot flashes and menstrual irregularity)
So now that that’s clear, here’s my second willing participant who has chosen to remain anonymous AND THAT’S OKAY! (I feel like Stuart Smalley.) And you can too!
Photo by Gratisography
1. Do you remember your mother or an older woman in your family going through “the change of life?” If so, what was that like?
No memory of this! I never lived in the same house with my mom after age 18, so I wasn’t around during the years she went through it.
2. Was perimenopause/menopause ever discussed with you by your mother, sister, friend, or a doctor? If so, what did that discussion entail?
Certainly never heard anything about it growing up. I did see Oprah talking about it once on her daily talk show back in the day. Maybe with Christine Northup? My first real awareness of it came from friends who are older mentioning it, telling me about their issues and problems. This is why it’s great to have friends who are slightly older (4 or 5 years). I also have a sister who is two years older, so right now our conversations about it are mostly me just checking in with her, “Are you STILL getting your period?"
3. Was menopause something you feared or something you looked forward to? (Yay, no more periods! Boo, I’m drowning in my own sweat!)
I never really thought about it at all until my late 30s, when I found out I had a bunch of fibroids. The doctor told me that the fibroids would SHRINK at menopause — so that’s when I started looking forward to it.
4. What was your experience like? Did you burst into flames? Grow a mustache? Gain a ton of weight? Lose your hair? Lose your mind? Or was it easy peasy, Tampax can kiss my vageasy?
I am at the stage right now (age 51) where it’s just beginning and not so bad. Feeling very very lucky. Most months, I still get my period every 28-35 days or so. Sometimes it won’t come for like every 40 days. The PMS feels different! I feel a bit shitty sometimes? But a lot of these problems might be attributable to my fibroids? Or the Covid crisis? I’m not sure.
5. Is there anything you wish you had known before you went through menopause or anything you would have done differently?
No. I’ve been warned that it’s really bad. Just keeping my fingers crossed.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. And you can too! Just reach out via my contact page. If you want me to reach out to you and help me do my little part to help save the USPS. I bought a TON of stamps and if you sign up for my newsletter, I will send you some swag (stickers, bookmarks and now buttons!) from my debut novel Forever 51. (It’s about an eternally menopausal vampire.)