If you're in Austin...

Head on in to Austin's Book People, which is the best bookstore EVER. Seriously. And I'm not just saying that because of this...

They've got signed copies of the "Elven" Edition of Death Becomes Us.

What's the Elven edition, you ask?

It's a true collector's edition. Get it while you still can!

And last but not least, I wanted to post a picture of Violet's cremains. Not the actual cremains, but the box that holds them. Violet was cremated and they gave me her ashes in this lovely little box. The name is crooked, which is going to drive me bonkers, but I really like having this. My other cats were put in little silver tins, so this feels extra special. 

Have you had any of your pets cremated? If so, did you get a special box or an urn for them? Do tell.

Monday Mourning: The Sudden Death of Your Wife

Today I have David Doub on the blog, I recently participated in the Creative Women's Conference in Denton (an event that he organized) and I asked if he would do a post. And he said yes, so welcome David!

I was born in Long Island NY but because of my dad's work and life decisions we moved around a lot. Compound that with my awkward nature and my geeky tendencies, I never got along well with the other kids at school. High School in Texas was particularly hard but Carrie was one of the points of light that made it all better. Together we reveled in our nerdy ways and enjoyed ourselves immensely. But taking care of Carrie always came first so I had a sensible career in computers as I played at making comics on the side. It wasn't until I lost her that I realized you only live once and you must live for your dreams. I currently publish around 10 comics which some of them I have written and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon.

DW: Who was the person who died?

DD: Carrie Mullinix. We were together for 15 years and were married by common law. 

DW: How old were you at the time?

DD:  27

DW: How old was she?

DD: 26

DW: Was it a sudden death or did you know it was going to happen?

DD: Very sudden. She died when a blood clot went from her legs to her lungs and then her heart failed because of that. She got the clot because she was on birth control.

DW: Were people supportive of your grief ?

DD: Some were, some weren't. A lot of people didn't know what to do with me.

DW: Is there anything you wish you had done differently with this person?

DD: I wish I could foresee the future to have prevented her death.

DW: Was Carrie buried or cremated?

DD: Cremated so I could spread her ashes in Tokyo. Carrie loved Japan so much there were several times she asked me to move there, so when she passed, I took her ashes to Yoyogi Park in Tokyo near the Harajuku district because a lot of the Gothic Lolitas and Visual Kei kids would come out in their costumes there.

DW: Did you learn anything about the grieving process you'd like to share?

DD: I'm still learning sadly. It's hard to separate the good and the bad and it all becomes a jumbled mess. For me I couldn't take strength from the good because it would lead my mind to ultimate conclusion of her passing, so I lost any comfort of her memories.

DW: Were any songs played at the memorial service that were important to Carrie?

DD: She had an MP3 player that was filled with her favorite music (a lot of JRock, Visual Kei, and JPop) so we just played that. One song that has a lot of meaning is Beast of Blood by Malice Mizer.

We both were in love in Japan and it's culture (before it was cool to do so :P ). So we went to Tokyo and we ran amuck at all the cool stuff we saw. But despite the sensory overload, this gothic Victorian looking band caught our eye. Malice Mizer was a Visual Kei band. We fell in love with Malice Mizer, Visual Kei and much more of Japanese culture (Carrie more so than I). 

Thank you, David for sharing your experience.

A novella written by Carrie was published posthumously by David and you can purchase it here.

Would you or someone you know be interested in sharing their experience with the death of a loved one on my blog? If so, please leave a comment or you can email me thedeathwriter at g mail dot com

A Book and a Funeral

I just finished reading Caitlin Doughty's book, "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: and Other Lessons form the Crematory" this afternoon and I really enjoyed it.  Because of my own inquiry into death professions, I've read a ton of books about death.  One look at the top row of my bookshelf and you might think I'm a little weird. Really, I'm not. (Okay, that's debatable.) But I do think the contemplation of death is important.  As is talking about it.

On to the book...While a "behind the scenes peek into the funeral business" is not groundbreaking in its premise, it differs from Thomas Lynch's "The Undertaking" or Sherri Booker's "Nine Years Under" in that Doughty believes we should remove the middleman altogether and take care of our own dead.  It's well written, it's humorous, it's heartfelt, but she lost me at the taking care of my dead part.  If you don't know me, let me explain. I'm the kind of person who would rather pay a nice lady to scrub my feet and clip my toenails (while I read a trashy magazine) to avoid dealing with the disgustingness of my own toe-jammy, calloused tootsies.  I think I'm not alone in this. It's not that I'm death or dead body averse, it's just that I don't want to wash and dress a dead person, especially someone I love. Thankfully, there are professionals for that.  And I will pay them.  Generously.

I do agree with her on the embalming, makeup applying ridiculousness of a burial, but unlike her, I don't want my body left out for animals to devour.  I have a hard enough time when I catch my dog Shelton rooting around in the litter box for a "tootsie roll."

There's the Poo Muncher.

If you're into learning about death and want a book that's a conversation starter, check out her book!

Speaking of death, I am attending a funeral this Saturday.  I didn't know the deceased very well, but what I did know of her, I seriously respected.  I've attended several funerals since I hit my forties.  The idea of a funeral service used to fill me with anticipatory grief and anxiety, but now I look at them as opportunities to celebrate someone's life and to perhaps provide some measure of comfort to those still living.  

Thanks for stopping by and if you feel so inclined, vote in my burial vs. cremation poll at the bottom of my front page.