I'm in the Phone Book!

Here’s a bit of trivia for you. My first heartbreaking work of staggering genius was published in the phone book. And no, it wasn’t my name, address and phone number that brought the publishing world to its knees. For four fabulous years, I worked for Directory Plus in Colorado and my job was to proofread ad copy for nine different phone books throughout the Southwest. Perhaps you’ve heard of me?

No?

Yeah, I thought so. So anyway, my boss needed some filler material, so she allowed me to submit a short essay about the ickiness of cell phone usage in the bathroom. To show you how far I’ve developed as a writer since 2007, I am totally writing this post while sitting on the commode. Yep. Keeping it classy here on the old bloggity blog.

Anyway, everytime I see my name in print, I always think of Steve Martin in The Jerk.

“I'm somebody now! Millions of people look at this book every day! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity - your name in print - that makes people. I'm in print! Things are going to start happening to me now.”

Except now, people toss those phonebooks in to the recycling container because, well, it’s 2020 and google is a verb.

the jerk.jpg

If only it was that easy to reach millions of people! I’m lucky if I reach twenty. And I’m grateful for each and every one of you. So, what’s new? This past week, an interview I did with Kate Cornell, author and host of Two Authors Talking, was posted on youtube. We talk about writing, favorite tropes and you can witness my resting bitch face in action, or should I say inaction?

I also made a spamtastic plea for my friends, frenemies and people I don’t even know to request my book from their local public library. I’m going to get really real with you right now. I didn’t get into writing about death and menopausal vampires because I saw a fat paycheck in my future. I did it because I love to tell stories and make people laugh. Yes, money would be lovely, especially since I basically just lost my contract job and i’m working part time at a public library, so here’s the deal. I would be ETERNALLY grateful if you GOOGLED the number of YOUR public library. Then take it one step further and call that number and REQUEST that they acquire Forever 51 for their patrons. Because to me, success is seeing my book in print on a shelf in a public library. Public libraries rock because everyone deserves access to information, especially if that information contains funny, bloody stories of menopausal vampires. Don’t believe me? Perhaps Grady Hendrix, NY Times best selling author of The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying Vampires will…

Fullgradyhendrix.png

Or perhaps Kirkus could inspire you. They do use some awfully colorful language in my review. Don’t believe me, click here.


PublicLibraryIG.png

Just a simple phone call that will take you less than five minutes could help change an author’s life. My life. And it doesn’t cost you a dime! Please and thank you for doing your part to spread the word before my pub date of 11/5/20! #Forever51

If you would like a free review copy of my book, it is up on Net Galley. All I ask is that you read and write an honest review of the book and then post it on Bookbub or Goodreads. Those early reviews are soooooo important for authors.

Last, but certainly not least, here’s my book trailer for Forever 51. My nephew, Egor, did the graphic design. My brother, Rob, did the music. And Lisaun Whittingham who narrated my first book Death Becomes Us, performed the voice over. It’s creepy, it’s quirky. Will you share it? Pretty please with a cherry on top?

One last thing before you go, if you pre-order Forever 51, send me a screenshot to thedeathwriter@gmail.com and I will enter your name into the drawing for the book club basket that I’m giving away on Halloween.

You know how to look things up on Spamazon. If you’d like to buy my book and help independent booksellers in the process, shop here.

Okay. I’m done. Thank you for reading all the way to the end and clicking on all the links and supporting someone who is kind of old to be having a “debut” novel come out two days after the presidential election.

In case you’ve never been told this before, I like you just the way you are!

I've Been Replaced by Someone Younger and More Attractive

Long time, no blog. One could almost say that the Death Writer, or at least my blog, is officially dead. My last post, dated May 14th of last year, was about my toxic thyroid nodule and my plan to undergo radiation treatment. Well, that didn't happen. It was FAKE NEWS!!! I opted for surgery instead and lived to tell the tale!

See, it's not so bad! Simon's cat thinks otherwise.

Actually, here's a pic of me about two days post surgery with Sonya Reed's daughter. I drove her to the Mountain View Unit to meet her mom for the first time. If you've read Death Becomes Us, you know who I'm talking about.

Yeah, the wound is pretty frightening looking right there, but now it's neatly covered by my middle-aged neck wrinkles!

I now have a nifty scar on my neck that looks like I was in a knife fight with a very skilled plastic surgeon. Even better, I have half a thyroid that is functioning well. No medication for me (yet) and I avoided radiation. Surgery for the WIN!

Speaking of Death Becomes Us, I have some really exciting news. DBU is now available on Audible and iTunes! Many members of the book club I attend listen to their books and apparently this is now a thing. As a book preservationist (and someone who just loves the feel, look and smell of a book) I haven't jumped on this trend, but

ACX

made the process very simple. I didn't think anyone would want to listen to my monotone for 8 hours, so I held auditions. Since DBU is a very personal story, I had HUGE EXPECTATIONS. I didn't want Siri droning through my prose. After cringing at people's attempts at my neurotic voice, I was about to give up on the idea of going audio. But then...then

Lisaun Whittingham

auditioned. I knew after she read the first sentence that she was the one. Not only does she have a great smoky voice, she did a wonderful job interpreting the text. She's also gorgeous, not that that matters, but it's kind of cool to have someone "playing" me who is younger and much more attractive. She can be in the movie version. HELLO HOLLYWOOD!

She also has way better hair.

Well, my friends and random strangers, that's all the news that's fit to print. I'm glad you stopped by to read my blog post. The Death Writer blog meant so much to about 12 people, so thank you for stopping by to pay your final respects.

If you would like to purchase a copy of Death Becomes Us for yourself, your mom or that weird Uncle whose birthday is coming up, you can follow this

link

. You'll laugh, you'll cry and you might even learn a thing or two about biohazard cleaning, hospice, cognitive behavioral therapy or even death row.

Carpe Diem and all that.

Pamela

P.S. If you would like to WIN a copy of Death Becomes Us, leave a comment on this post. Tell me the last book that you read or listened to. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy!