If you're in Austin...

Head on in to Austin's Book People, which is the best bookstore EVER. Seriously. And I'm not just saying that because of this...

They've got signed copies of the "Elven" Edition of Death Becomes Us.

What's the Elven edition, you ask?

It's a true collector's edition. Get it while you still can!

And last but not least, I wanted to post a picture of Violet's cremains. Not the actual cremains, but the box that holds them. Violet was cremated and they gave me her ashes in this lovely little box. The name is crooked, which is going to drive me bonkers, but I really like having this. My other cats were put in little silver tins, so this feels extra special. 

Have you had any of your pets cremated? If so, did you get a special box or an urn for them? Do tell.

Monday Mourning: The Sudden Death of Your Wife

Today I have David Doub on the blog, I recently participated in the Creative Women's Conference in Denton (an event that he organized) and I asked if he would do a post. And he said yes, so welcome David!

I was born in Long Island NY but because of my dad's work and life decisions we moved around a lot. Compound that with my awkward nature and my geeky tendencies, I never got along well with the other kids at school. High School in Texas was particularly hard but Carrie was one of the points of light that made it all better. Together we reveled in our nerdy ways and enjoyed ourselves immensely. But taking care of Carrie always came first so I had a sensible career in computers as I played at making comics on the side. It wasn't until I lost her that I realized you only live once and you must live for your dreams. I currently publish around 10 comics which some of them I have written and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon.

DW: Who was the person who died?

DD: Carrie Mullinix. We were together for 15 years and were married by common law. 

DW: How old were you at the time?

DD:  27

DW: How old was she?

DD: 26

DW: Was it a sudden death or did you know it was going to happen?

DD: Very sudden. She died when a blood clot went from her legs to her lungs and then her heart failed because of that. She got the clot because she was on birth control.

DW: Were people supportive of your grief ?

DD: Some were, some weren't. A lot of people didn't know what to do with me.

DW: Is there anything you wish you had done differently with this person?

DD: I wish I could foresee the future to have prevented her death.

DW: Was Carrie buried or cremated?

DD: Cremated so I could spread her ashes in Tokyo. Carrie loved Japan so much there were several times she asked me to move there, so when she passed, I took her ashes to Yoyogi Park in Tokyo near the Harajuku district because a lot of the Gothic Lolitas and Visual Kei kids would come out in their costumes there.

DW: Did you learn anything about the grieving process you'd like to share?

DD: I'm still learning sadly. It's hard to separate the good and the bad and it all becomes a jumbled mess. For me I couldn't take strength from the good because it would lead my mind to ultimate conclusion of her passing, so I lost any comfort of her memories.

DW: Were any songs played at the memorial service that were important to Carrie?

DD: She had an MP3 player that was filled with her favorite music (a lot of JRock, Visual Kei, and JPop) so we just played that. One song that has a lot of meaning is Beast of Blood by Malice Mizer.

We both were in love in Japan and it's culture (before it was cool to do so :P ). So we went to Tokyo and we ran amuck at all the cool stuff we saw. But despite the sensory overload, this gothic Victorian looking band caught our eye. Malice Mizer was a Visual Kei band. We fell in love with Malice Mizer, Visual Kei and much more of Japanese culture (Carrie more so than I). 

Thank you, David for sharing your experience.

A novella written by Carrie was published posthumously by David and you can purchase it here.

Would you or someone you know be interested in sharing their experience with the death of a loved one on my blog? If so, please leave a comment or you can email me thedeathwriter at g mail dot com

The Death of my Cat, Violet

"It is one of the beautiful compensations in this life that no one can sincerely try to help another without helping himself." Ralph Waldo Emerson

On Sunday, September 4, my sweet Violet died suddenly and unexpectedly while I was out of town visiting her first mama. She was seven years old, which is far too young for a cat to leave this earth.

Needless to say, I am deeply saddened by her absence. I've had five cats in my life, and Violet was by far the sweetest most loving cat I've ever had the pleasure to know. Her kind and trusting demeanor had nothing to do with me. She was born outside of the Mountain View Unit, the women's death row facility in Gatesville, Texas. There, she was tamed and cared for by my friend, Sonya Reed. Sonya wrote about Violet in the Readers' Write section of the The Sun. You can read it here. For two years, Sonya cared for Violet and sent me letters about how much she loved her. But then, the prison declared that they were going to capture and euthanize the feral cats around the prison and Sonya panicked. She convinced the warden to let her capture Violet so that someone could adopt her.

I didn't want Violet. I was afraid that having a feral cat would be too much work and that my other cat, Judy would protest. Well, as luck would have it, I ended up with her in my care.  I wrote about this strange adoption here

.

Violet on her first day inside my home.

Initially, Violet was scared and skittish, but the power of Fancy Feast and salmon treats from my intrusive hand won her over. She loved to eat and within months, she went from being a skinny, flea ridden kitty to a fluffy little bundle of awesomeness.

This is Violet doing her Cher impersonation.

About nine months went by and Violet got really sick in the middle of the night. She could barely breathe, so we loaded her in the car and took her to the emergency vet. That night we learned that she had heart worms and was given a rather dire prognosis. 

I administered steroids to keep her lungs opened up, but the poor girl wouldn't eat. Finally, a friend on Facebook suggested I give her raw egg. And it worked. That stimulated her appetite and she made a full recovery. Within a year, she was heart worm free.

On the mend in 2012.

From there on out, she was back to her old self. Her recovery was a tiny miracle. The vet said that cats rarely recovered from a heart worm infection. But Violet defied the odds.

Until now.

I was away visiting Sonya. For the first time in six years of visitation, we were allowed a contact visit, which meant that we could sit across from each other at a table and eat crappy vending machine snacks and hug at the beginning and end of the visit. And we did.

As I drove home, I called my husband to let him know I was on my way home and he sounded different, but I didn't suspect anything. It wasn't until I walked in the door that I found out that Violet had died that morning. There was no indication that she was ill. She just died.

Erik took her body to the emergency vet to be cremated and we will get her ashes on Friday. I am filled with all sorts of uncomfortable feelings...anger, sadness, heartbreak, why me? Why now? Why wasn't I there? It sucks. There's no getting around it. But, I am so grateful that I was able to spend five years with her. She was a special cat and I will never forget her.