Who was the person that died?
The man who lived directly across from my house, Burch Stevens. My husband grew up in the house we now live in, so he has known Burch for most of his life.
How old were you at the time? 49 years young
How old was the person? I believe Burch had just turned 79 on April 13.
Was it a sudden death or did you know it was going to happen?
It was sudden. About a week before he died, I saw Burch fall and struggle to get up his front steps. My husband Erik ran over to help him into his house.
On Facebook, Burch posted about his fall and that one of his friends was going to come over and build him a handrail for his steps. Independence was very important to Burch. He loved going out for lunch at the Bluebonnet Cafe and he didn’t like that everything, including his favorite restaurant, was shut down due to the pandemic.
A few days later, an older man rang my doorbell and asked if I’d seen Burch lately. He explained that he was his friend and was there to put up a handrail. He said Burch wasn’t answering his phone and he didn’t answer his door. I immediately knew this wasn’t going to turn out well and asked if he’d tried the door. He hadn’t. I rushed across the street and opened Burch’s unlocked front door. Without stepping inside, I could see that he was on the floor and unresponsive. Due to my fear about this virus, I didn’t enter his house. I called 911 and within minutes the police and emergency responders arrived.
Did you and this person ever talk about death?
We never had a face to face conversation about death or end of life wishes, but he did want an autographed copy of my book, which is all about death and death professions. Passing his house one day with my dog, Shelton, he said he enjoyed reading it.
Had you experienced any other deaths in your personal life before this person died?
Yes, my grandmother, Lola, my mother-in-law, Lovina, who also knew Burch and my dad.
Were people supportive of your grief or did they shy away from you when you were grieving?
Since we are all staying at home right now due to CoVid19, I shared on Facebook about what happened and many people expressed their condolences. While my relationship with Burch was neighborly—we gave him cookies at Christmas and he watched our cat while we were out of town—I can’t say that my grief for him was equal to a parent or a friend as I didn’t really know him that well, but I did grieve about his death.
Is there anything you wish you'd done differently with this person?
I wish that I’d checked on him after his fall.
Was he buried or cremated?
I don’t know.
Did you learn anything about the grieving process you'd like to share?
I was surprised by my level of grief for a man that I barely knew. I don’t know if my grief was exacerbated by the stress of our current situation or that we can’t gather and memorialize him, or what? But I broke down and balled about his passing.
At night, I could always hear Burch in his living room playing his guitar. And now that will never happen again. It makes me sad.
Were any songs played at the memorial service that were important to this person?
Like many who have died during this pandemic, their memorial services are being postponed until it is safe to gather. People have been posting condolences on his Facebook page and one of his friends left this song for him. I don’t know if this was one of his favorite bands or what, but it’s all I have. This goes out to Burch! Hope you’re having a hootenanny in Heaven with friends and family.
Thanks for stopping by. If you would like to share your own experience about the death of a loved one, please contact me.
