Why not 27?

Like every other person who resides in America or has an internet connection and a beating heart, I have been thinking a lot about the tragedy at Sandy Hook elementary in Newtown, CT.  In the days that followed the mass shooting, I watched as both sides of the gun debate duked it out in the arena of social media. Some people think we need armed teachers or guards at every school and some people think we need to ban guns or at least ban assault weapons.

I'm not going to pretend that I know the answer, but I do believe that we need to do something. Ann Curry, a television journalist, suggested that we do 26 random acts of kindness to honor each lost life at Sandy Hook.  I liked this idea.  We need more kindness in this world.  We need to reach out and do nice things for people that we don't know.  We need to feel that the world is still a good place despite what just happened. I for one don't want to live out the rest of my life in fear of the world, resulting in home schooling my kids in a gun closet or a bunker filled with water and Top Ramen noodles.

To me, that is ridiculous.  We don't need to retreat, we need to reach out.

So, I started doing a few things and I did them anonymously.  I wrote them down and then I got to thinking, why aren't we including Adam Lanza's mother?  Was she not the first victim?  Or have we already convicted her of being as monstrous as her son?  After all, she knew he had mental issues.  She owned several guns.  She took her son to a shooting range.  In public opinion, she's damned and unfortunately she can't defend herself.

But, guess what?  I know plenty of people who own guns.  And I bet a few of them have taken their sons or daughters to the range or on a hunting trip.  Are they creating monsters?  Why are we being so hard on his mother?  Is it because we have to blame someone for creating a man who destroyed our faith in humanity?  

I'm going to play Devil's advocate here for a moment.  I came from a family of five kids raised by the same two parents.  One of my siblings brandished a gun and robbed several banks.  He also served twenty plus years in prison.  Four of us did not do that.  So, who is to blame for my brother's actions?  That's up for debate.

It's all so complex, but I'm going to do something simple.  I'm going to do 27 acts of kindness.  And you know what?  I may not stop there. 

Happy Holidays!  Stay safe, tell the people you love you love them, hug it out, eat, drink, and be merry! 

It's a Wonderful Life

Growing up, it was a tradition in our house to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" every year at least one time during the month of December.  As a kid, I liked the movie.  I liked the swimming pool scene and Clarence and the fact that the citizens of Bedford Falls all chip in to help George and they all live happily ever after.  But, as I've grown older, I like the film less and less. In fact, I don't think I've watched it all the way through in at least five years.  The last time I watched it, I wanted to pummel George's uncle for losing the money and I wanted to slap Mr. Potter for being an evil money grubber and knowingly withholding the dough to cause George and his family financial ruin.

For the most part, it's a very DARK film.  Look at this trailer, which makes it out to be some fun filled romantic romp with Christmas cheer.  It's no wonder that the film was poorly received when it was released.

And yes, death figures prominently in this Christmas classic.  George saves a lot of people from dying, he takes over the family business when his dad dies, and in the end, Clarence saves George from ending his own life. Dark!!!

So to save myself from sounding like a total grinch, the real take away message of this film is that we do impact all the people around us.  A lot of the time we don't even realize it or see our own value in the grand scheme of things.  We may think we're just some speck of sand in the giant sandbox of life.  But, truth be told, we are all important and when we're gone, someone is going to miss our wit or our baking abilities or our craftiness or whatever it is we do.

So, is this one of your favorite holiday classics?  If not, what is?  This year I'm leaning towards Elf.  

Monday Mourning

First of all, I would like to thank everyone for their words of sympathy and kindness during the past week.  I may have spent several years exploring death but nothing prepared me for the emotional wallop of losing my mother-in-law. I really enjoyed being around her and I will miss her presence in my life.

Instead of an official eulogy written by one person, each member of her family wrote a few words about her and it was read during the visitation the night before her funeral.  Here's what I said...

I loved Lovina’s no nonsense demeanor, her colorful use of language and her appreciation of art, words and cats. Without judgment, she allowed her children and grandchildren to be who they were, however weird their behavior or hair style might look to others.  She loved to laugh and I enjoyed exchanging stories with her over coffee at her kitchen table or out on her back deck.  She was a hoot.

And she was.

Do you know what gave me comfort? It was simple, really. I had had the conversation with her about her end of life wishes before she died.  I remember sitting at her kitchen table and we talked about cremation and burial. (She was buried.)  Our conversation didn't freak her out, at least I didn't think it did, and I got a sense of what she wanted. Because of that

simple conversation

, I was able to relay to her children what I knew and hopefully that made their decisions a little easier.

Definitely not easy, though.

Death is difficult, but I have to say that having family, friends and food around helps.  I am so grateful that Lovina's nine siblings and some of their spouses came to spend time with us.  Also, I'm grateful to the multitudes of friends who gifted us with casseroles and sandwiches and chips and cookies.  I could barely think this week, so it was nice not to have to worry about grocery shopping or food.

Now, as the family members take off for their homes and we are left with just our thoughts, the real work of grieving will begin.

I've said it once, and I'll say it again, talk to people you love about your end of life wishes.  It's NEVER too early.  Have a wonderful week.  I will be posting sort of sporadically this month, but I'm sure you understand.

Pamela