Monday Mournings - The Death of a Father

Since I didn't have anyone else for today's post, I asked my husband if he'd answer my questions. He is not a writer, so I just transcribed what he said. I know this death affected him a lot.

DW: Who was the person that died? ES: My dad.
DW: How old were you at the time? ES: I was fifteen.

DW: How old was your Dad? ES: He was fifty-one.
DW: Was it a sudden death or did you know it was going to happen? ES: We knew it was going to happen. The doctor gave him a couple of months to live. He had cancerous tumors throughout his whole body. He ended up living for about eight months.

DW: Did you and your Dad talk about his death? ES: We did, but it was basically, "I'm not going to live much longer." And that was it.

DW: Had you experienced any other deaths in your personal life before your Dad died? ES: My grandmother, my dad's mom, died a few days before he did. He traveled from Texas to North Dakota for her funeral and that's where he died.

DW: Were people supportive of your grief or did they shy away when you were grieving? ES: Yes, friends and family were supportive.
DW: Is there anything you wish you'd done differently with this person? ES: No. We spent a lot of time together towards the end. He took me fishing almost every weekend, even though he wasn't supposed to be out in the sun.

DW: Was he buried or cremated? ES: Buried. He had a military burial.

DW: Did you learn anything about the grieving process that you'd like to share? ES: Grief never ends. I'll see people my age who still have parents that are alive and it makes me wonder what my life would be like if he were still here.

DW: Were any songs played at the memorial that were important to your Dad? ES: No songs were played. Although Taps was played by bagpipes at his service. My sister Karen, said that he liked the song "Mr. Bojangles," so this goes out to Ron.

Halloween

After the week I've had, I wasn't really in the mood for this holiday and it's one of my favorites.  I love dressing up, I love candy (even more when it's FREE!!!) and I love fall weather.  So, today I got my house all cleaned up and then I went to the store to get some pumpkins. I love pumpkin--pumpkin candles, pumpkin spice lattes, pumpkin pie, pumpkin butter, and even roasted pumpkin seeds.  I however do not love cleaning out a pumpkin to carve it.  My hands have "texture issues."  I don't like touching raw meat, especially chicken, and the slimy interior of a pumpkin just gives me the heebee jeebees!  But I will endure!
After that we're gonna have a scary movie marathon.

First up is The Exorcist.  To this day, it is one of the only films that still scares me, probably because it's about demonic possession of a child. I remember when my older brother Robby came home from seeing it and he was so scared.  It probably didn't help that I looked a bit like Linda Blair as a kid, same hair anyway.

After that, it's a toss up.  We've got The Omen (original version), The Blair Witch Project and The Shining.

I wish you all a fun and safe holiday.  What are you doing?  Is your town celebrating this weekend or will people trick-or-treat on Wednesday?  

If it's good enough for Rocky...

After four days of tending to a weak cat who wasn't eating I was at the end of my rope.  The vet didn't return my calls and I didn't have any more dough to fund another office visit,  so I just went with my gut.  I took her off the antibiotic, which I'd read can cause stomach upset and vomiting in cats.  Violet was on the antibiotic to prevent an infection, not to cure one, so I felt the lesser of two evils was to help her get her strength back with food.  Problem was, she didn't want anything.  And I mean nothing.  Not wet food.  Not dry food.  Not scrambled eggs or tuna or milk or ice cream or anything. I'd been putting the Nutri Cal supplement in her mouth, but she hated it and it was stressful for her. I posted on facebook that I was going to attempt to feed her with a syringe.  I knew this wouldn't be easy, as she barely tolerated being pilled.

Several people replied to my post.  One woman suggested raw chicken liver and another said raw egg.  Since I'm not one for the regular stocking of chicken liver, I opted for the dozen eggs in my fridge.  I took the yolk, mixed it with my finger and brought it up to Violet's mouth, smearing a bit on her face.  One lick and she was like, "Heck, yeah!  What's that?"  I fed her the whole yolk and after that she ate some of her crunchy treats.  It was like a Christmas miracle!  Last night, she jumped up on my bed and snuggled up to my side as I read a book.  She didn't retreat under the bed.  She let Erik hold her when I gave her her pill.  And best of all, she didn't vomit it all back up in the middle of the night. This morning she followed me into the bathroom as she always does, which gave me the best feeling in the world.  I honestly don't know how much longer she has to live because of these heart worms but I am so grateful that it isn't going to happen sooner because she didn't eat and went into liver failure.  I am so appreciative of everyone's words of support both on this blog and on facebook.  Sometimes I bitch and moan about social media, but right now I want to give everyone a virtual hug.  What a difference a little egg makes!

Which brings me to the book I was able to finish last night.  And yes, it's a death book.  It's called "Life After Death" and it's by Damien Echols.  You may know Mr. Echols from the news or from the documentary, "Paradise Lost."  You can watch the trailer above. Or from the term, "West Memphis Three."  Mr. Echols and two other men were convicted of killing three young boys in Arkansas in the 90's.  Turns out, they didn't do it and several celebrities and one dedicated woman who eventually married Echols helped to free them.  It was a pretty good book and it made me think of Sonya Reed who is forgotten in prison.  She doesn't have Johnny Depp or Natalie Maines or Eddie Vedder bringing attention to her case.  While it's true that Khristian Oliver and his father have been in the news (NPR and the Texas Monthly) this month, Sonya's story doesn't sell magazines.  Why?  Because there is nothing about her story that is sensational.  She was just a pregnant woman sitting outside in a truck and she got 99 years because a burglary committed by her boyfriend at the time turned into a murder. All Sonya Reed has as an advocate is me and I'm not exactly important or newsworthy.  I wish I cold get someone with a name to bring attention to her case.  She is a loving, intelligent person and it is such a shame that her life is wasted in prison.

I'm going to leave you with a few paragraphs from Echols' epilogue.
"A person can starve to death in prison, and not through lack of food.  What I'm talking about is the withering and death of the human spirit from lack of decency or love for fellow human beings.  The talking heads on television project the image of prisoners as animals, and it's true.  It's true because the spirit that once made them human has been starved to death, and they become a black hole in human form.
Prison is designed to separate, isolate, and alienate your from everyone and everything.  You're not allowed to so much as touch your spouse, your parents, your children.  They system does everything within its power to sever any physical or emotional links you have to anyone in the outside world.  They want your children to grow up without ever knowing you..."

I don't want to let that happen with Sonya.  Call me a bleeding heart liberal or a crazy cat lady, I don't care.  I believe in the power of love.  Sometimes that's all we have to sustain us through our darkest times.
Thanks for reading and have a great weekend!