The Death of my Cat, Violet

"It is one of the beautiful compensations in this life that no one can sincerely try to help another without helping himself." Ralph Waldo Emerson

On Sunday, September 4, my sweet Violet died suddenly and unexpectedly while I was out of town visiting her first mama. She was seven years old, which is far too young for a cat to leave this earth.

Needless to say, I am deeply saddened by her absence. I've had five cats in my life, and Violet was by far the sweetest most loving cat I've ever had the pleasure to know. Her kind and trusting demeanor had nothing to do with me. She was born outside of the Mountain View Unit, the women's death row facility in Gatesville, Texas. There, she was tamed and cared for by my friend, Sonya Reed. Sonya wrote about Violet in the Readers' Write section of the The Sun. You can read it here. For two years, Sonya cared for Violet and sent me letters about how much she loved her. But then, the prison declared that they were going to capture and euthanize the feral cats around the prison and Sonya panicked. She convinced the warden to let her capture Violet so that someone could adopt her.

I didn't want Violet. I was afraid that having a feral cat would be too much work and that my other cat, Judy would protest. Well, as luck would have it, I ended up with her in my care.  I wrote about this strange adoption here

.

Violet on her first day inside my home.

Initially, Violet was scared and skittish, but the power of Fancy Feast and salmon treats from my intrusive hand won her over. She loved to eat and within months, she went from being a skinny, flea ridden kitty to a fluffy little bundle of awesomeness.

This is Violet doing her Cher impersonation.

About nine months went by and Violet got really sick in the middle of the night. She could barely breathe, so we loaded her in the car and took her to the emergency vet. That night we learned that she had heart worms and was given a rather dire prognosis. 

I administered steroids to keep her lungs opened up, but the poor girl wouldn't eat. Finally, a friend on Facebook suggested I give her raw egg. And it worked. That stimulated her appetite and she made a full recovery. Within a year, she was heart worm free.

On the mend in 2012.

From there on out, she was back to her old self. Her recovery was a tiny miracle. The vet said that cats rarely recovered from a heart worm infection. But Violet defied the odds.

Until now.

I was away visiting Sonya. For the first time in six years of visitation, we were allowed a contact visit, which meant that we could sit across from each other at a table and eat crappy vending machine snacks and hug at the beginning and end of the visit. And we did.

As I drove home, I called my husband to let him know I was on my way home and he sounded different, but I didn't suspect anything. It wasn't until I walked in the door that I found out that Violet had died that morning. There was no indication that she was ill. She just died.

Erik took her body to the emergency vet to be cremated and we will get her ashes on Friday. I am filled with all sorts of uncomfortable feelings...anger, sadness, heartbreak, why me? Why now? Why wasn't I there? It sucks. There's no getting around it. But, I am so grateful that I was able to spend five years with her. She was a special cat and I will never forget her.

If You Send Pam to a Book Event in San Francisco

First she'll want to do the reading. Reluctantly.

This past weekend, I had my first real, brick-and-mortar bookstore reading/event at

Books Inc

. at the Opera Plaza in San Francisco. At 6:30, no one had arrived and I was beginning to think this whole thing was a bust and I would go home with a case of wine and my tail between my legs. To kill the time till 7, I chatted up a woman who couldn't make the reading but wanted to buy the book. She told me about the death of her beloved dog. He died two weeks ago and her eyes filled with tears as she told me about rescuing him and what he meant to her. I listened, instead of excusing myself to the bathroom and hiding, which I might have done a few years ago. 

A little before the start time, people began to show up and take their seats. My heart began to pound in my chest and I could feel that familiar fight or flight response take over. I rode it out. By the end of the read, I felt pretty okay. And then people approached me and wanted me to sign their books, which made me feel like a total rock star, which I think is important now and again for people who like to sit alone and pour their little vulnerable hearts out onto the page.

Here I am reading in front of real, live people and I'm not dying. My mouth got really dry and my pits were working overtime, but I lived to write this blog post!

Then she'll want to go celebrate Independent Bookstore Day and see one of her favorite writers at Pegasus Books.

Here I am meeting Mary Roach. I felt like I was meeting Mick Jagger, I was so nervous.

After that, she'll want to go eat at some fancy dancy restaurant with a view to celebrate the fact that she met a famous writer.

We ate at "The Dead Fish," Despite the odd name, the view was spectacular and the food and company were too! Hi Darrell. I don't hate you. I just have resting bitch face and I'm a little reserved when I first meet someone.

At the end of our meal, a couple of raccoons trekked up that leafy cliff towards our table and were rewarded with scraps of sourdough bread.

The next day, she'll probably want to go somewhere else because she's in the Bay Area. She's got time to kill and she really likes pretending that she knows something about wine, but in all reality her unsophisticated palate likes varieties in the under $10 range. There was none to be found at these two wineries.

Domaine Carneros. The champagne was terrific. Actually, it's not really champagne as it's not from France. It's sparkling wine.

We had to go here. I have an embarrassing Hess story. It involves my dad and a Broadway play and vomiting in a crowded theater.

 And if you go to Napa and drink expensive wine and eat even more expensive pasta, then you definitely need to go to the

Columbarium

in San Francisco the next day because thoughts of your own mortality creep in, just like the gnats that land and die in your $14 glass of wine.

I had no idea this place existed and it is magnificent. I am sure it is super pricey, but it was wonderful.

Kitty cremains.

Look at that ceiling!

I am going to leave you with a quote from Emmitt Watson, who is a caretaker and tour guide  at the Columbarium. It is from the literature that they give you in the office.

"What makes this place special is that people come here and they're comfortable. After services here, they don't run away. They take time, look around the building, enjoy it. There's a difference here from a regular cemetery--this is death disguised. The style, the colors...I'm in here all the time and I forget that death is all around me."

I love that. I love this place, but I still want my cremains in a Ritz Carlton ashtray. If someone wants to take a picture of one with the stamp, send it my way!

So, I realize it's hard as Hell to comment on blogger posts, so if you liked this post, just click that you were here and we'll call it good. If you want to share on Twitter or Facebook that would be cool too.  But if you really want to help a writer out, you'll listen and share this awesome podcast with me and Dan Higgins. Do it. I triple dog dare you.

Here is the

podcast

.

Next stop New Orleans!